No, no, don't be sorry, I'm glad we're having this conversation. Because my position was yours. Then recently I thought well, if they don't have security forces, how will there ever be anything resembling a democracy, including the start of institutions like rule of law and such that might evolve into something good.
We can't convert these people like we did Germany and Italy, but any inroads in human rights and rule of law, elections, free media and such seem like a step in the right direction. Even the Saudi king, who I am no fan of, is saying things like certain actions are socially unaceptable. Not that they won't keep trying for jihad, caliphate, etc., that is going full force.
I don't know, the theory is draw them into civilized company. But, ultimately, strengthening them, well it will be used against us, too. damned if you do, damned if you don't.
More thought required, but I do share your concern about a counter-insurgency strategy, that is, nation building going past institution building to economic development and such. Then, the idea is to make the democracy work, so that's why the strategy is as it is.
So, do we say Islam is islam and we're aiding the enemy or do we hope for the best, trying to draw them into the world community. The latter is likely as bad as adopting int'l law!