Amidst Toilet Paper Runs, Florida Man Busted
Virus scare has prompted bath tissue shortage
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/tp-theft-arrest-609348
MARCH 11 - As the coronavirus scare prompts panicked runs on toilet paper worldwide, a Florida Man was arrested yesterday for the 1 AM theft of some two-ply bath tissue from a neighbor's vehicle, according to court records.
Police allege that Safraz Shakoor, 25, burglarized a Dodge truck parked in the driveway of a residence a few blocks from his Clearwater home.
Shakoor, cops say, was recorded on a Ring video surveillance camera entering the unlocked truck's backseat and swiping "a roll of toilet paper from a 6-pack of Smart & Simple bath tissue."
A pack of the toilet paper - perhaps the cheapest brand on the market - sells for $1 at Dollar General (though the retailer is currently out of stock, according to its web site). The product is described as "Made in the USA from 100% recycled fiber."
Yeah ... "100% recycled fiber" ... probably recycled plywood that the old rusty nails haven't even been pulled out, yet.
The truck's owner told police that the toilet paper thief was a "tall male with a gray hoodie," an arrest affidavit notes. In short order, deputies located a suspect - later identified as the 6' 4", 230-pound Shakoor - matching that description at a nearby home.
"Defendant consented to search of his person and a single roll of toilet paper was found in his right front pocket," cops say. The seized item matched the Smart & Simple toilet paper swiped from the Dodge. During post-arrest questioning, Shakoor "denied entering vehicle."
Now, see ... I'm sure he has a very innocent explanation for having a roll of toilet paper in his front pocket, don'tcha know! Like, his girlfriend just kicked him in the nads and he desperately needed some additional padding. Oh ... hold on just a minute ... I suppose that doesn't make much sense, does it? If that was the reason, he would've stolen some Charmin. Never mind.
Pictured above, Shakoor was arrested on a felony burglary charge and booked into the county jail on $5000 bond. Shakoor's rap sheet includes multiple convictions for possession and sale of marijuana and theft.
The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence
| 