http://www.dailywire.com/news/gywneth-paltro-is-selling-a-candle-that-smells-like-her-vagina
By Amanda Prestigiacomo
The Daily Wire
January 10, 2020
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow is selling a candle that smells like her vagina at $75 a pop for her lifestyle and wellness company Goop. The name of the candle is none other than, you guessed it, "This Smells Like My Vagina."
Paltrow first came across a scent that she said reminded her of the smell of her own vagina, she claims. The scent was then finalized for the "This Smells Like My Vagina" candle, which reportedly sold out within hours of its test run.
Wow ... who knew that Gwyneth Paltrow was so damn flexible that she knows what her very own vagina smells like, eh?
"This candle started as a joke between perfumer Douglas Little and GP - the two were working on a fragrance, and she blurted out, 'Uhhh ... this smells like a vagina,'" Goop outlined.
The smell then "evolved into a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent," according to the company.
The smell of tuna fish is "gorgeous"? "Sexy"? "Beautiful"? "Unexpected" ... well, yeah ... I guess it could be that from time to time. But ... ewwww!
"That turned out to be perfect as a candle - we did a test run ... and it sold out within hours," Goop bragged. "It's a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed that puts us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth."
Oh ... so Gwyneth thinks her pussy smells like a bouquet of flowers, eh? ROTFLMAO! Her husband is tellin' her some whoppers ... he must be afraid she won't let him back down there, again, if'n he tells her the truth.
Goop, clearly, is not a traditional brand. In 2018, for example, the wellness company settled a six-figure lawsuit surrounding their "vagina eggs," which were prompted to help regulate females' hormones and negate menstrual cramps.
Sounds like Gwyneth is obsessed with vaginas. Hmmm ... I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres has managed to hone in on Gwyneth's scent, yet?!
"It turns out, contrary to Goop's advice, shoving a large egg made out of a porous mineral into the recesses of your lady-regions may not be the best treatment for conditions like endometriosis," The Daily Wire reported. "Apparently, Goop knew - or, according to a complaint filed by the California consumer protection office, Goop should have known before they marketed this product, as well as a 'flower essence' they claimed treated depression, to consumers on their website."
"The health and money of Santa Clara County residents should never be put at risk by misleading advertising," the attorney for the California consumer protection office said in a statement. "We will vigilantly protect consumers against companies that promise health benefits without the support of good science ... or any science."
Paltrow again made headlines for her "progressive" ways last month, this time for gifting herself a vibrator for Christmas.
Well ... now wasn't that damn nice of her to play Secret Santa to herself, eh?!
The Daily Wire reported on the ad:
After Gwyneth shakes herself up a couple of Martinis, the narrator says "someone's double-fisting" as she struts through the kitchen with her libations.
"The holidays are work, so don't be afraid to ask for help with lighting, and food, and style, and hair, and hair, and hair," the narrator cheekily continues. "Find your favorite look, or eleven of them. Look fabulous in each one, and get super high ... In your heels, of course."
The ad then takes a salacious turn by reminding people to treat themselves to a little self-service, but only after doing "something for others."
"Do something for others but don't forget about No. 1," the narrator says as Paltrow pulls a vibrator from a Christmas stocking and keeps it for herself. "Yes, that is a vibrator."
The ad finishes with the narrator wishing everyone a "happy holidays from G. Label."
Hey, Gwyneth ... ya sure that jest isn't an old rubbery carrot from the bottom of yer vegetable bin?
The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence
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