"[I]t was you who started the whole freaking mess."
Yes ... that's what I do. I'm very good at it.
"... with your apparent charm ..."
"Apparent" being the operative term, here.
"... you may be able to get one for free."
You NEVER, EVER get a woman for free - EVER! It's always gonna cost ya, one way or the other.
"It's the divorce that is gonna cost ya."
No thanks ... I've already invested way too deep.

The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence