(Another of my pathetic attempts to write something entertaining. Zim.)

Trillia's Bar

Trillia's bar is the only known full time drinking establishment for at least seventy light years in any direction. It is also the only place in the known universe where a Voklavian and a Human may belly up to the same bar.

Wes Klondike and Larry Fullmore are two human engineers working on a cargo ship which has brought supplies for the human space fleet and some consumables for Trillia's bar to an asteroid commonly referred to as 'The House of Tril'. The House of Tril is a Voklavian entity which encloses both the housing structure buried deep within the asteroid and the personnel registered to it.

Wes and Larry had been granted shore leave. They had also received the mandatory briefing which includes some Voklavian language instruction as well as a few rules unique to the House of Tril. One of which is trying to extract gold out of the bar is a capital offense.

They stopped at a checkpoint, where a lazy looking Corporal was kicked back reading a cheap novel. “Which way to the Bar?� asked Larry.

The Corporal took his feet off the desk and sat up. “Well,� he said, “there are a couple of things you need to know first. See those blast doors?� He pointed up the corridor. “On this side of those doors you are in the United States of America. It's a diplomatic thing. The other side of those doors you are in Voklavian territory and will be held to their justice systems. As a general rule if it is OK do it back home it is probably OK to do there. If not, do not do it. While there are no official extradition rules between the Voklavian Empire and the U.S., out here if they present evidence you broke laws we will throw you back. Sign out here and be sure you sign back in when you come back.� He spun a clipboard around and pushed it over to them.

Larry filled out one line and pushed the board over to Wes. “Now, which way to the bar sir?� He asked.

“Through those blast doors.� Said the Corporal. “Walk about point eight kilometers and you'll pass through two more sets of blast doors. Shortly after that the passage will let you out onto the Promenade. Follow the wall along the right, there will be a sign saying 'Trillia's Bar'. For those of you who can't read just look for the bat-wing doors.�

“Bat wing doors like an old time western movie saloon?� Asked Wes.

“Exactly that.� Said the Corporal.

Wes finished filling out the line on the form and the two of them proceeded on up the passage. Through two more sets of blast doors then out into a much larger open space. It looked to be seven meters tall and about nine meters across. With some balconies where a second floor might be. They turned right and saw the sign 'Trillia's Bar'. Above it were Voklavian letters. Below the sign were the batwing doors.

As they pushed through the doors there was an open area which looked a lot like a dance floor. Across that they could see some folks playing darts.

To their right they could see a gentleman with pointed ears playing chess with a human. The Voklavian was rather large and he had a bottle of Budweiser at his elbow. The human had a glass of a blue liquid beside him. Further in there was a round table with humans and Voklavians seated around it. It looked like they were playing poker. There were other tables with groups playing games the likes of which they had never seen.

Just before they turned to the left there was a shriek “Yatzee!�. The one who had yelled was a Voklavian female. She was sitting at a table with another Voklavian female, two human females, and a human guy. There were dice, pads of paper, and a leather cup. Obviously this group was playing Yachtzee.

They turned to the left where they saw the bar itself. It was made in two sections with a rather large mirror behind each section. At the base of the mirrors was the usual collection of bottles. In the top center of each mirror was a nude figure. Female, tasteful, and very lovely. One was Voklavian and the other was human and both were guaranteed to warm the heart of almost every male of either species.

Standing behind the bar was a somewhat tall, attractive Voklavian female with a low cut blouse who asked them “First time here guys?�

“Ummm, yes.� Stammered Wes as they walked up to the bar. They looked down at the surface of the bar. It appeared to be rock laced with gold. Streaks of it from lines to ribbons as large as their fingers raced all over it with chunks of gold showing here and there. Wes put his hand on the bar and while it looked like his hand was still almost a centimeter away it felt like his hand was resting on highly polished stone.

“Zero point eight centimeter of optically pure quartz� said the girl behind the bar. She smiled, “It keeps the miners from trying to prospect in the bar. My name is Mia by the way. So, what'll it be boys? Also it is tradition for Trillia to pay for ones first drink.�

“Do you have Coors?� Asked Wes.

“I heard you could try some Voklavian drinks here?� Asked Larry.

She pointed at Wes and said “Coors in the bottle is ten ounces, a can is twelve ounces, and a glass is fourteen ounces, same price.� She pointed at Larry, “We have a 'Vokalvian Sampler' which is a small glass of blue ale, a small red ale, and a small glass of whatever Voklavian wine we currently have too much of.�

“Is any of it poisonous to humans?� asked Larry.

“Oh, no. It is absolutely forbidden to poison the customers,� she laughed. “If you like here is a drink menu and a food menu. The center section of each menu contains foods and drinks cleared for human consumption�. She passed out the menus.

“I'll have the Coors in a glass, please.� said Wes.

“I think I'll try that sampler,� answered Larry.

Mia pulled one large glass and three small ones out from under the bar. Then she pulled out a snake, pressed a button on it and filled the large glass. When she finished it had a nice head of foam and she pushed that one in front of Wes. Then she slid that snake back and pulled out another one. She pressed a red button and filled one small glass with a red liquid. She then pushed the blue button and filled the second glass with a blue liquid. She put that snake back and turned to look amongst the bottles racked just under the mirror. She smiled and pulled one out, popped the cork and filled the third glass.

“The prices are on the menus,� she said, “You will probably find them high, but the shipping costs are outrageous.� She took out a small tray and put the three small glasses on it. Wes sipped at the Coors and smiled. “You may drink here at the bar, or you might take a table. If you would like to play a game there is a nice selection there in the shelves to the left of the door. Do enjoy yourselves and welcome to Trillia's.�


(Authored by Zim.)