Hillary blamed this on a Russian torpedo, but when noted "floatability expert," Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA), was consulted, he provided this assessment, "Nah, y'all ... it weren't no Russian torpedo that sank her ... her huge, fat ass caused it to tip over and capsize. I mean ... that big freakin' ass o' hers ... it displaces more tonnage than all of the U.S. Navy ships anchored off of Guam combined, don'tcha know!"

The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence