Mrs. Red Square
5/24/2017, 8:51 pm
A recently found 1,200-year-old fossil is giving anthropologists new insights into a warrior-like, bipedal masculine human specimen they have identified as Testiculus Englishmanus, a mysterious ancestor of modern-day British men.
The remains were discovered in Wessex, at the site of the historic Battle of Edington (present-day Wiltshire), where in May, 878 AD, patriotic Anglo-Saxons defeated "The Heathen Army" of the Viking invaders, leading to the eventual liberation and unification of England.
The 6 foot-long fossil reveals that the extinct early man of England possessed two large working testicles, which shatters all modern theories about the origins of today's residents of the British Isles.
Attached to the testicles were two fully developed legs and a solid, erect spine that allowed him to stand tall. As if that weren't enough, Testiculus Englishmanus had a pair of strong arms with powerful hands, making them ideal to form fists or use weapons.
"I was totally shocked to see the testicles," said the study's lead researcher, Peter Sanstestes. "For a week on end, I actually went back to the specimen every day just to look at them again, to make sure that I wasn't seeing things."
The well-preserved remains give researchers an unfettered view of the creature, whose anatomy has stumped anthropologists for decades. "It is so odd-looking that some people thought the fossilized body parts belonged to several different people instead of just one," Sanstestes said. "Fortunately, we now have the fossils, and they almost speak for themselves."
"Look at those fists," said Emmeline Pankhurst, a research fellow in paleobiology at the University of Manchester in the United Kingdom. "You can easily imagine them thwarting off attackers of British girls. If we could clone such men, we wouldn't need to worry about protecting ourselves from the modern-day Heathen Army."
This gave her an idea to extract the ancient DNA and grow a live specimen of the creature in a lab. Ms. Pankhurst's project is only at its earliest stage, and while the British government has categorically refused to fund the study, the young scientist has been able to raise a substantial sum with crowdfunding via the Internet.
"A little over a decade ago, it would have been nearly laughable to think that such a project was possible, or even needed," she said. "Today my idea has raised half a million pounds in one week. The donations are coming from every English-speaking country and beyond."
From the comments:
Ivan Betinov
5/25/2017, 12:56 pm
And how did the testicles of this specimen survive all these years when most flesh would have deteriorated?
They are made of solid brass. (And I hear they are still shiny.)
http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/manchester-scientist-to-clone-british-man-from-9th-century-t19464.html
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good ...
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