... forgiving sins is over-rated. You really don't want a groper as President.
... do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That is, unless you are Donald Trump because then it is called perversion.
... when I said "blessed are the poor", there wasn't a second half to the sentence which adds "because you can take what's left out of their pockets to enrich yourself".
... turn the other cheek, but in Trump's case, think of the moon before choosing the sort of cheek you turn.
... when I said give unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, just to clarify in case it was non-obvious, I meant the IRS too.
... humility isn't forbidden. Just making sure people remember that.
... when I turned over the tables of the money changers in the Temple in Jerusalem, I didn't mean I planned for Trump to set them up instead in Atlantic City.
... I didn't sacrifice myself for the sins of the world by employing thousands and thousands of people. It's a bit harder than that.
... when I said it would be easier for a rich man to get to heaven than a camel to get through the eye of a needle, I meant to add the bit about Trump and the Presidency as well. But I worried that my audience wouldn't get it for, oh, two thousand years.
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