Note: These are the continuing adventures of Elvis and Marilyn. They first appeared back on the old Table board on Raging Bull many years ago. Any resemblance to famous people is strictly intentional.
Guitar man!
It is a January Friday night in the Washington D.C. area and some of the locals gather at an area bar. Outside a fancy old Cadillac pulls up and two people climb out and go in. They go sit at the bar.
Marilyn: Elvis! It is smokey as Hell in here and the beer isn’t so great!
Ann: What are you complaining for Darlin? We just didn’t watch the presidential inaugural that WE should have been the stars of and now we’ve stuck here in this damn bar !
Mitt: Coming in here wasn’t my idea!
Elvis: What are you two drinkin? Hey! Bartender! Give these two another round!
Mitt: I don’t drink!
Ann: Well! I wasn’t born Mormon and I’ll sure have one! Hell, I should be redecorating at the White House right now, getting the smell of those two, well, you know what’s, out of the upholstery!
Mitt: Now Ann. You’re just going to have to get over it! We didn’t win and you’re not going to be first lady!
Ann: Oh! Go to Hell, Mitt! You’ve got all of those board of directors meetings and all of those decisions to make, and, and, I got nothing at all!!
Elvis looks Ann over and says: Well, Darlin’ looks like you got something to me!
Mitt looks Elvis over and says: Lay off eying my wife or I’ll pop you one right in the eye socket!
Marilyn looks over Mitt and says: I thought you folks were non violent!
Mitt looks back and says: I don’t know who invited you into this conversation but….(Mitt then notices Marilyn and orders a drink for the both of them)
Ann: Mitt! You’ve never had a drink in your life! Be careful!
Mitt eyes Marilyn again as he quickly downs that drink and a couple of others!
Mitt: Listen darlin‘, we got this suite back at the Hilton and its got several rooms! Annnn and me would like for you two to come back there with us and make friendly!
Elvis looks at Marilyn and says to Mitt: We’re not really married and it sounds as if you’re proposing something kind of weird!
Mitt: Guess you’re right after all! After all, me and Annnn is in love and we have been for a very long time now!
Ann says: It’s O.K. Mitt! We can handle ourselves. After all, we just went through five years of running for president and look what we got for it! We need to try something’ new for a change.
Mitt says to Ann: Annnnnn! You want to go back to our suite and make whoopee with these two members of the forty seven percent? Just look at them! They’ll take everything we got!
Ann says to Mitt: Mitt: we got quite a bit!
Mitt says to Ann: Yea! And we’re gonna keep it too! (The jukebox in the bar begins to play “Suspicious minds!)
Ann says to Mitt: Loosen up! Gawd! I’ve been putting up with you for forty years! All of these ambitions and drives and all of this other horse hockey that you been shoving down my throat! I wanna have some fun! I’ve birthed you five sons and all I ever wanted was a girl that I could talk too sometimes when we was alone while you and the boys was gone here and there doing boys stuff! Now, we’re going back to the suite with these two fine folks and we’re gonna have some fun!
Mitt says to Ann: No we’re not! We’re goin’ back to the suite and we’re going to sleep off this drunk! And we’re gonna leave this trash here in this bar that we should a never come into in the first place! We’re better than this!
Ann says to Mitt: You weren’t better than Obama and boy did you screw up! He was able to walk into the White House with all of your mistakes and you wouldn’t listen to me or anybody! I coulda been the greatest first lady since Jackie Kennedy and you screwed it all up for me and history!
Mitt says back to Ann: That’s all you really wanted, wasn’t it! You never really cared about me. It was just where I could take you! Dad told me about you! He wanted me to marry a good Mexican woman and to cha cha cha for the rest of my life!
Ann says to Mitt: I coulda had any man that I wanted back then, and look what I ended up with, a two time loser like you!
Mitt looks at Ann, has another drink and says: Three time loser, darlin’! I lost to Kennedy back in 94’ too! You never could get your facts straight, now could you?
Ann says to Mitt: I got facts enough to know that we’re in this damn bar on a Friday night and Obama and his woman are livin’ the high life back in MY mansion! Gawd! I went and bought a beautiful dress and you wouldn’t even take me to the inaugural where I could show it off. Michelle Obama got a gown from Jason Wu and all I got was boo hoo hoo!
Mitt says to Ann: We’re taking it back for a full refund!
Ann says to Mitt: Like Hell we are! I’m gonna donate it to the Smithsonian where it belongs! If Michelle Obama and the others can have a dress there, so can I!!!
Mitt, now after several drinks, looks around the bar and climbs on top of it and looks at the crowd and says: Look at all you sumbitches! You’re the forty seven percent I been talking about and you just don’t give a shit! You been taking from us forever and its gonna stop tonight!
A couple of bikers who have been playing pool at the other end start to move toward Mitt with their pool cues! Mitt looks at them and throws up on the bar!
About this time Elvis and Marilyn leave the bar as the fight begins to escalate even further!
Marilyn says to Elvis: Elvis, I love you and I always will. But, we gotta stop goin’ into these bars. You just never know what kind of people you meet there!
Elvis says to Marilyn: I know darlin! Reminds me off some of those types I met while truck driving back in Tennessee! Let’s find a truck stop and get some coffee!
Marilyn says to Elvis: Whatever you think dear!
As the old caddy fades into the night, it is passed going the other way by police cars and an ambulance heading for the bar.
IOVHO,
Regards,
Joe
To say that "God exists" is the greatest understatement ever made across space and time.
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