Learning Gratitude
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances." 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-17
In an insightful book, "The Gift of Thanks: The Roots and Rituals of Gratitude," Margaret Visser observes how much is at stake in teaching children to give thanks. It is about so much more than manners. It is about determining what kind of people they will be.
That is why, according to Visser, for a child "the first unprompted 'thank you' is momentous enough to count as a kind of initiation into a new level of human consciousness."
Of course, no one is born thankful. Thankfulness does not come natuarally to us and sometimes it does not come at all. Rather, thankfulness is a quality that must be fostered and nurtured.
But how? By "giving thanks in all circumstances," as the Apostle Paul puts it. That is, by continually offering thanks.
Here, as elswhere in the scriptural tradition, we are not told to feel a certain way, but rather we are enjoined to act in a certain manner. After all, feelings, unlike actions, cannot be governed by simple will.
So we say to our young children--who, like their parents, were not born thankful--"Say 'thank you' to the gentleman." Or, "What do you say to the nice lady?" We continually prompt, coax, urge, demand that thanks be offered.
Do we put our children, and ourselves, through all of that just so they will behave in a polite manner? Perhaps. But I think we do this also because we have some understanding that continually offering thanks, day in and day out, in and out of season, whether we feel like it or not, eventually helps engender a spirit of thankfulness. It shapes our entire lives.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.
Martin B. Copenhaver is Senior Paster, Wellesley Congregational Church, UCC, Wellesley, Massachusetts.
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