Humor - Paraprosdokians (google it)
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
18. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
19. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
20. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
21. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
22. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
23. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
25. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
26. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
OCU
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