My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning. Can you believe that? 2:30 am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
Man calls 911 and says, “I think my wife is dead” The operator says how do you know? He says, “The sex is the same, but the ironing is backing up.”
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, “You’re pulling my leg.”
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor . . . she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend, yet.
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his finger up my rear! Do you think I should change dentists?
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You’re obviously not listening.”
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have to go to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
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