Snappy, you don't give a rat's patootie about any mercury in the bulbs. That's just an excuse. The truth is, you're a stubborn mule who doesn't like change... even something as trivial as a new style of light bulbs.
Question: How many Popes does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Nun.
(Popes are scared of light bulbs and so the Nuns have to do it.)