It's time to shut down The Babylon Bee.
Parody might be officially dead now that we have seen the latest headline from Politico that we simply could not make up.
As most Twitchy readers know by now, the left has spent the past several days indulging in orgasmic fantasies about Donald Trump either being severely ill or actually having passed away. All because the President did not schedule any public events for the holiday Labor Day weekend.
Ron Filipowski, The Lincoln Project, Rachel Bitecofer, Harry Sisson, and many more of the worst "influencers" on the left all tried to spread the rumors, and some of them weren't even dissuaded by pictures of Trump playing golf at his course in Virginia. They assumed that must have been a body double.
Bear in mind, these are all the same people who assured us for years that Joe Biden was "sharp as a tack," and "the best Biden ever."
Mostly, however, the legacy media stayed away from diving headfirst into this latest frenzy of stupid ... until yesterday, that is, when Politico posted what has to be the most embarrassing headline we have seen in our lives.
MrMikeD (@Mrmiked42) ~ This is a real headline. How the fuck is this a real headline?!
We thought it had to be fake, but nope. This is a real ... a story that not one, but THREE Politico reporters submitted. And, their editors gave it a green light!
http://www.politico.com/newsletters/west-wing-playbook-remaking-government/2025/09/02/trump-denies-hes-dead-00540451
This weekend, conspiracy theorists had a field day wondering whether President DONALD TRUMP was seriously ill, or even dead. Photos of the president were magnified, his voice was analyzed and his schedule was scrutinized.
Trump, of course, is very much alive but was compelled to address the rumors today during an unrelated Oval Office announcement that the U.S. Space Command would be relocated to Huntsville, Alabama.
'Last week, I did numerous news conferences. … And then I didn’t do any for two days and they said, ‘There must be something wrong with him,’' the president said.
Hmmm. Why was Trump "compelled" to address these ridiculous rumors, Politico? Could it be because the media encourages this nonsense?
Politico tried to frame the story around the long history of unfounded rumors and conspiracy theories surrounding the health of political figures, but this final part of its report should go to the media Hall of Shame ... or on its gravestone:
But Trump today insisted he was alive ... Time will tell if that quiets the rumors or just leads some to suspect that, that is exactly what a body double would say.
Were they trying to go for humor here? They should leave that to the pros like the aforementioned Babylon Bee and stick to just being failed leftist apparatchiks. That's the only thing they're good at.
We didn't think we could hold them in any more contempt than we already did.
We were wrong.
Appalachian Ulfheðnar (@SmellyWolf69) ~ "Federal Judge issues injunction stating that Trump can't say that."
That came from a D.C. District Court judge, didn't it?
Well, whatever district it may have been, you can be assured it was a black-robed nincompoop nominated by either Clinton, Obama, or Biden.
Ordnance Jay Packard Esq. (@OrdnancePackard) ~ And it took 3 people to write it.
That sounds like three "reporters" who are more suited to working at Starbucks.
Beedulgi (@Beedulgi99) ~ "But how can we really be sure that Trump isn't dead if Trump is lying to our faces about it?!" Exhilarating journalism from the brilliant folks at Politico.
We expect they will win a Pulitzer for this groundbreaking exclusive.
Baby Kane (@TheRealBelindaO) ~ When you can't imagine them getting any dumber, they do it. It's almost like a challenge.
Trump denies he's dead.
No matter how low the bar is set, they will slither under it.
Pat Branch (@thepatbranch) ~ I didn't have this headline in my cards. Are we living in a South Park universe? 😆
No, people in the South Park universe are far more intelligent than journalists in this one.
Christian Toto (@HollywoodInToto) ~ Trump, without evidence, denies he’s dead.
Walter Curt (@WCdispatch_) ~ The levels to which President Trump has broken the Democrats never ceases to amaze.
They will never recover.
Eric Daugherty (@EricLDaugh) ~ We've entered levels of stupid you never thought were possible, brought to you by the American Left.
It's true. We honestly did not believe that this level of stupid was achievable.
But if we know one thing about Politico and the rest of the dead legacy media, we know this:
They will find a way to be stupider tomorrow.
President Trump Is Not Dead, But Parody Might Be After the Latest Politico Headline
http://twitchy.com/grateful-calvin/2025/09/03/president-trump-is-not-dead-but-parody-is-with-latest-politico-headline-n2418358
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