Comrade Lightfoot explains why the Chicago Ministry of COVID Compliance needed to cancel the days-off for all police officers, and extend all shifts to 12 hrs per day.
According to the Chicago Mayor, the city will be deploying “Social Distancing Ambassadors” to help citizens accept their social responsibility. The monitors will assist the public remaining disengaged from human contact as the Ministry begins permitting citizens to exit the confines of their homes. Drone enforcement could likely assist.
No word on the specifics, but Chicago scientists have apparently identified a hybrid form of the virus that will attack outdoor residents who enter a six foot danger-zone in proximity to another person. The ministry has determined Blue state residents are safe at distances exceeding 6 feet. However, inside that zone, at 4 or 5 feet or less, the virus creates a rapid death spiral and attacks with increased ferocity. It is currently unknown why the proximity strain of the virus responds differently in Red states.
Blue State proximity infection is dangerous. Unless, of course, the proximity variable is influenced by the third factor of vegetables or groceries; which have been identified as generating a safe zone as outlined in local supermarkets. As a consequence, jogging without groceries requires the proximity police, aka “Social Distancing Ambassadors.”
According to city officials, these new exterior compliance officers should help reduce the influx of residents currently jogging in grocery stores. Remember, we are all in this together; and to prove how critical this is to the fabric of our society, we must all stay apart.
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http://theconservativetreehouse.com/2020/06/15/covid-madness-chicago-ministry-of-covid-compliance-introduces-social-distancing-ambassadors/#more-194427
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