Msg. 05029 of 06530 (This msg. is a reply to
05028 by
Decomposed)
Jump:
Well, De ... in spite of the fact that you and I are typically quite skeptical of conspiracy theories ... let us suspend disbelief for a moment and indulge ourselves ...
You're traveling through another dimension ... a dimension not only of ugly sights and stupid sounds, but a bubble of pure methane. A journey into a demented land whose boundaries are that of deranged leftist make-believe. There's a signpost up ahead ... your next stop: The Libtard Zone!
Enter {stage left} our intrepid, intellectually "superior" Brit, Cactus Flower, schlepping around New York magnanimously dispensing continental "wisdom" to all of the benighted Yankees with whom he comes into contact. He jauntily strolls over to the local high school to continue his mission of "charity" amongst the rubes. As he walks underneath the stands at the football field, he thinks he sees something quite unbelievable. He does a double take. He rubs his eyes, but his eyes are not deceiving him ... there they are ... two hairy legs sticking straight up in the air with nothing on them but a pair a well-worn Birkenstocks. As our hero approaches, the pair of legs invitingly spread themselves. Cactus Flower can't contain himself, and despite the stench of cheap booze and flop sweat, he dives right in.
The scene begins to swirl in a psychedelic haze. Time passes. Cactus Flower, now five months into his calling to proselytize to the great unwashed, is confronted by the girl attached to those hairy legs he rubbed against underneath the bleachers some time back. Her name is Clo, and she tells him, "Hey, mister! You knocked me up, so you need to pay all my medical bills, buy me a house, buy me a car, buy me new clothes, buy me all the food I can eat, and buy me all the booze I can drink."
The next 18+ years of indentured servitude to child support crawl by painfully in yet another swirl of psychedelic haze. But, FINALLY ... the day of emancipation comes! Our hero writes his last check and stealthily slips away into another faraway corner of The Libtard Zone in hopes that he will never be found, again.
Decades pass. Cactus Flower now dispenses his continental "wisdom" on the Internet. He no longer has to travel and he can anonymously spew his bombastic sermons of libtardism on his very own board at Atomic Bob's Golden Thread. How glorious! But, then ... the psychedelic haze begins to swirl, again. OH NO! A new poster shows up on his ALEA Board and her empty-headed nattering ensures that, forevermore, the only posters on his board are him and her. She FOUND him ... it's Clo ... and though it's virtual, all Cactus Flower can feel are those hairy legs wrapped cloyingly tight around him with those Birkenstocks constantly slappin' him in the ass. Fade to black.
No wonder the poor guy is bitter as hell!
Okay ... change the channel ... back to reality. Whew! That couldn't have been real, right, De? Nah ... surely not!
The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence
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