More carbon dioxide from the emitter in chief
by Tom Toles
My fellow Americans, the state of the Union is plutocracy, and this is a state we can all gather together to support in a new spirit of unity. More money pouring into the hands of the deserving, and joy from everyone except the merely envious. For ordinary workers, we have a once-in-an-ever-shortening-lifetime opportunity to work smarter, work harder and work longer hours and more days to help the deserving earn ever-higher, lower-taxed billions. Win-win!
But that’s not all! Those billionaires love freedom, just like you do! So more freedom it shall be! To burn fossil fuels until the sun feels hotter than the rocks in the sauna on a billionaire’s yacht. And while the billionaires splash water on their sauna rocks, the rest of you can sit back and enjoy torrential rainfall pouring into your basement and first floor while you take in the sweeping views of deluge from your own rooftop, not altogether unlike the views from a yacht! We can all enjoy heat and water together, though in our different ways, in our newfound spirit of unity!
And speaking of the undeserving, we are going to urge unity among the humans, against all those species out there in “nature” who do not add a dime to our billionaires’ net worth. We can surely all agree to let them go extinct en masse so we can get the coal and minerals they are selfishly living on top of. They are practically asking for it. And who will miss them in this era of computer graphics that can not only simulate animals but also make them into characters who can wisecrack in cinematic storytelling! “Nature” is just a word, anyway. It does no one any good except in Facebook pictures, and it stands squarely in the way of greater profits for billionaires. What is the difference, really, between a forest teeming with thousands of unique species, and a drought and an out-of-control wildfire that reduces the area to desert? Profits is the difference. We can and should unify in asking the species to make the sacrifice.
So really, let’s pull together in the optimistic cause of turning billionaires into trillionaires. It’s us against the planet, the animals, and the vegetation. Let the yacht become the shining symbol of Noah’s ark, in reverse.
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OCU
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