The state of the union is executive goof-off time
by Tom Toles
President Trump liked to make fun of President Barack Obama playing too much golf. Trump liked it a lot. But not as much as he likes actually playing golf. He also likes being president. But not as much as he likes not working hard. It turns out most of his day is reserved for golfing alternating with goofing ... off.
There have been rumors that Trump never really wanted to be president and that his candidacy was just a big marketing scam. Now he has the best of both worlds. He is president but doesn’t actually have to do the job. How many people watching television all day THINK they are president and shout orders at the screen? But only Trump actually is! And he does have a lot of people who are hired to carry out his crazy commands. True, they are then fired for trying to make his commands a little less crazy, but still.
Trump doesn’t have to prepare for meetings because he doesn’t have meetings, other than to hear updates on his awesomeness. He doesn’t need to learn anything because he has a digestive tract. Two scoops of ice cream are better than one briefing book any day. His gut told him that, and who is Trump to argue with an expert?
As to the state of the actual union, Trump has a vision. A wall. Not slats. A wall between red America and blue America. Obama said there were NOT two Americas. So Trump must contradict him and prove there are. And that wall is being built already! Maybe even close to finished! Trump has accomplished more in two years than all the previous presidents. He said so. In fact, it is his defense against corruption charges that may be brought against him. “You can’t impeach somebody for doing the best job of any president, in the history of our country,” he told CBS News. Tell it to the judge! No doubt he will, and he will no doubt remind the judge that he appointed him, and his gut expects loyalty in addition to ice cream.
The White House said he will give a State of the Union speech outlining an optimistic vision. That means tomorrow night he will read a speech on TV written by a staffer who will soon enough be fired for sneaking some conciliatory words into the text.
But we already have an optimistic vision. Less than two years and Trump will be out of office forever.
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OCU
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