Accused Voyeur In Even Stickier Situation
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/maple-syrup-voyeur-329507
The Connecticut landscaper facing a voyeurism charge for secretly recording a sexual encounter with a female friend - a tryst that included the application of maple syrup and blueberry jelly - was jailed this week for violating a protective order barring him from contacting the victim. ...
Somley, seen at right, was arrested last month in connection with his consensual November 24 romp with a married woman. The incident, detailed in a leading contender for 2018 Police Report of the Year, occurred at a residence in Monroe, a town about 15 miles west of New Haven.
Oh, it's a contender all right!!!
According to investigators, the woman was helping Somley load wood into a trailer outside his residence. The woman told cops that she dated Somley 20 years ago and had recently reconnected with him and was helping him through "this rough time." Somley, she said, lost his home to foreclosure and was forced to move into a Monroe apartment.
When 15 minutes passed and Somley did not join her loading the trailer, the woman returned to the apartment. There she found Somley "completely naked" and "watching porn on the laptop." Somley, the woman told cops, explained that he "had to 'jerk off' before he started to work."
Somley, cops noted, "then told her to go outside" and "give him a few minutes."
After 20 minutes went by and Somley had not appeared outside, the woman again entered the apartment. This time, Somley was "near the entrance naked with maple syrup on his penis."
But the woman did not bolt from the home upon spotting Somley's sticky member.
Somley, she said, began touching her breasts, which left her in a "turned on" state. The woman added that she was a "willing participant" in the sexual activity that followed (masturbation, cunnilingus, contact while bent over furniture, etc.). In addition to the maple syrup, cops says, the duo employed blueberry jelly during their encounter.
The sexual activity paused when Somley complained of back pain due to the "awkward position" he was in behind the woman, who was draped over an L-shaped couch. To alleviate his discomfort, Somley "began looking for his Aspercreme," the woman recalled.
When the woman subsequently agreed to Somley's request to "blow him," she noticed that he was recording her with a cell phone. "What the fuck?" the irate woman demanded. Somley reportedly replied that, "it was nothing and that it would be fun later when he plays the video for her." The woman told police that she "became extremely upset and started to freak out." She also said that she suspected Somley was "video taping her instead of masturbating" while he was earlier perched behind her for 45 minutes.
When the woman asked Somley to delete the footage he allegedly refused, prompting her to contact police. The victim "even offered $1000 to Somley, which he declined," cops reported. ...
You simply cannot make this stuff up! ROTFLMAO! Truth is stranger than fiction.
The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted. ~ D.H. Lawrence
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